Today’s guest was Lois Kelly,
the Founder and Managing Partner of a consulting company called Foghound!
Lois inspires and teaches people and organizations like the CIA and companies like Fed Ex to see possibilities
within their reach — and advocate for change. She believes every person, every team has way more potential for greatness than they realize and that ability for change has become an essential competency for everyone in today’s unpredictable and increasingly non-hierarchical work world.
Today’s host was Ariel Hall.
Our class imagined they were one of Lois’ clients actively participating in one of her communication workshops.
Lois began by presenting a variety of cards, each one listing a different personal attribute.
From curiosity and forgiveness to perseverance, students were asked to choose a card which listed the talent they had the most confidence in. “You all have talents and probably many of them.
Our goal is to recognize what you are most talented in and then use that talent to communicate more effectively”
Lois spoke about change: trying to change something in a relationship; changing something at work or in school; changing the culture of an organization; or, changing our personal performance. “Most people have certain things they’d like to change for the better. The key is recognizing proven ways to make change happen.“
The first thing when you start communicating with someone about a change you hope to initiate is to find out what is important to the person or people you’re speaking with.“
Lois shared the story of a conversation she had with her husband to find out what was important to him.
“Next, be in control of your emotions.
Sometimes you get frustrated or angry. Once you sense yourself losing control and letting your anger or frustration take over, stop the conversation! It’s best to then say to the person you’re speaking with ‘I am too upset to speak right now. I will have to get back to you‘. Then, stop the conversation and leave.” Lois shared scientific information about our brain’s response when our anger takes over and lots of research to support the futility of carrying on conversations when we become angry or frustrated.
“Finally, don’t point fingers or criticize.
Instead of saying something negative or critical about the person you’re speaking with,
try saying ‘this is how I feel when this happens’.
Your chances for changing something lessens when the person you’re speaking with feels threatened or defensive.“
Lois concluded today’s class by listing her email address, firstname.lastname@example.org,
for anyone wishing to continue the conversation or simply asking for her advice when they find themselves trying to create change in a relationship.